I returned home from the professional conference, one time zone away, on Saturday night. From last Wednesday through this time, I had spent over 8 hours per day in lectures and professional luncheons and practice sessions. I spent the evenings making professional connections and connecting with old colleagues and friends. I slept in a hotel bed without my now beloved pregnancy pillow. It was both high intellectually stimulating and emotionally and physically exhausting.
Sunday morning, we were up and heading out for the day to spend time C's sister and her family while her husband graciously replaced the car breaks. I spent the time connecting with their 6-year-old who is notoriously shy and difficult to engage. This made it all the more precious that she became a chatterbox when it was just the two of us, playing Legos, and I sat back and let her take the lead in the play. We didn't get home until later that night, just in time for me to wash my entire maternity collection (just over a week's worth of clothes) to prepare for the coming week.
By Tuesday, my sister had arrived in from out-of-town to help prepare for the shower this upcoming week. I would work as a psychologist over the day and then come over to a house-guest and more preparation work in the evening. There was no down time. It was lovely to see her and spend time with her, but she liked staying up late to talk and bond.
Tonight, my best friend from graduate school arrives in from out of town for the shower. We are taking them out to dinner after work to celebrate the success of her IVF (11 weeks on Saturday!!!!!). Then Saturday I will be up early to finish ready-ing the house, decorating, and preparing the final food options for the party. The party is expected to go into the night and there will be several more house-guests staying over until Sunday.
Last night I completely melted down. C made one snippy comment that I took too personally and that was the end of me holding it together. I was exhausted and it wasn't over yet. I haven't been sleeping well. My muscles ache and my feet are swollen. There is still so much left to do and yet my body is not cooperative to accomplish anything in any expedient manor. Then I feel guilty that C and my parents are doing a large majority of the work around the house. I feel like a princess and I despise those types of people. I just want to sleep. I feel like an ungrateful jerk, but I would choose sleep over a baby shower and seeing my friend that I haven't seen in several months.
I really need to get better at moderation, pacing myself, and not sprinting through my marathons.
Ahhh I hear you! I've been in the same sort of situation, trying to reconnect with important people in my life and it always feels like I'm overdoing it. We had a guest for dinner last night, and the preparations all day long nearly killed me. It's so hard to figure out how to handle all of these conflicting demands, isn't it? Such a busy time, but we have these bodies that hurt and ache and just want to rest. And then there's the guilt. Oh yes. I feel guilty, too, when I'd rather just be sleeping. Like last night---I was so close to giving my apologies to our guest and going off to bed, but then she gave us a gift and I felt like an extra-jerk, my eyes barely open, sitting there on the couch unable to make good conversation. Feeling ya, sister!
ReplyDeleteI also know how you feel (except for the pregnant part) - trying to do everything right and be there for everyone yet falling apart inside.
ReplyDeleteI guess you know what you need to do - not feel guilty for taking your foot off the gas and napping on the back seat once in a while.
Enjoy the shower - it will be over before you know it (it might even be over by the time you read this) and then make sure you relax. You are growing a baby! And that's hard work so be kind to yourself!!
Busy bee! I do that sometimes, and it feels good to be social and moving and out and about, but the quiet weekends in are very needed, for sure! Don't forget to schedule those too!
ReplyDeleteI think that last sentence has been said by every woman on earth :) It is an elusive accomplishment in itself but if we want to keep our sanity...we have to at least try to slow down a bit. Your post made me feel like a slacker though lol
ReplyDeleteHere from ICLW - I feel the same way sometimes, but you have to give yourself some credit! You've been through a lot and it's totally understandable to feel overwhelmed or like you just need time to yourself. Schedule it! Give yourself some time each day (if you can) to do something just for YOU. :)
ReplyDelete