Baby Mode turned into Baby Shower Post

Do you ever begin a post thinking you will be writing about one thing, and then realize that the back-story is big enough for entire post itself and end up writing about someone altogether different. I do this a lot...

This past week or two, I have transitioned into full-on baby-prep mode (but I've since realized I will need to talk about this at a later time). I think this was spurred by the invitation to a baby shower of someone who is due a month before me. It was at this moment that I realized that my family/me hasn't even begun thinking about a baby shower and that perhaps this is something that we should begin doing. After talking with my mom and looking at dates, we realized that time is already running out! It's crazy how far away November seems and yet how few available weekends there actually are between now and then.

Let me back up and talk a little about my family. I am the oldest of three sisters. My mother is the oldest with two younger brothers, but she has a very large extended family, most of whom live in the same city. I am very close with my uncles and first consigns. I am also close with most of my second and some of my third cousins on my mother's side. She has over 20 first cousins and have have between 40-50 second cousins that I see on a fairly regular basis. As in at least 2-3 times per year, minimum. Today I will be heading to a graduation party, in two weeks is a wedding, then there are two more graduation parties and another wedding all before Labor Day. All with the one side of family. My father is mostly estranged from his family, which actually works out in this situation as there is more then enough family to go around and they all love him.

This is relevant for two reasons. First, we never have small parties. I had 150 people at my high school graduation, 60 people at my bridal shower, and over 300 people at our wedding. It is nearly impossible to keep things reasonable because once you invite one cousin, then social convention and etiquette dictates that they will all be invited. So the option is to keep it to only immediate family and have five people or open it up to the extended family and have over fifty. My family likes to party, so we usually just open it up. We've gotten good at cooking for the masses. The second reason this is relevant is that, when it comes to choosing dates for occasions, availability goes quickly. There are already two family events booked in later August and September, prime baby-shower times, so choosing a date quickly and making this known to others becomes a more urgent priority.

OK, so there's that. Then there's the whole me being the oldest of three sisters part. We are all very different and at very different points in our life. My youngest sister is still working on growing up, finding her way in life, and prides herself on being unconventional and generally unenthusiastic about most things that others might care about. Not the best candidate for throwing a baby shower, which she will readily admit. My middle sister, on the hand, is all about party-planning, Pinterest, and a goal of 2.5 children with a white picket fence. She coordinated my wedding shower, which went fantastically, and then I, in turn, threw her wedding shower. My mom helped with both but she admits to being very uncreative, so was less about the ideas and more about the execution (that cooking for the masses thing... she's really good at it). It was a good combo for both showers.

However, this is a little different. This time, middle-sister is also in the midst of infertility treatments. Actually, she's "taking a break" from actual treatments, but is definitely not at a place of being content with her current non-baby situation. She also just began a new job that has her working on all weekends. She reported this week that she would not be helping at all with the shower and that we "shouldn't plan on her attending" it either. Maybe I will talk later about my mixed emotions with this stance, given the fact that I've been on both sides of the infertility fence now and understand her position but still feel hurt about her not even trying to attend.

Anyways, the point is that my sister will not be taking the lead in planning. My mom is a good executioner but not good at initiating things. I don't have very close friends that live in town and that I feel comfortable throwing a party for my 60 closest relatives. So this leaves me, along with my mom, to plan for the party.

Within the past week, we've collectively decided on the date and the theme and the location. Most notably, the location is going to be my parent's house and the date will be mid-September, just under two months before the due date and just over two months from now. So now the whole house is in full-on on cleaning, prepping, and registry-deciding mode. Which I will talk about more in another post...

Halfway to Baby

Yesterday marked the 21-week mark, meaning we are officially past the half-way point in this journey. It's really sort of crazy to think about it in this way.

On the one hand, we are absolutely in no way prepared to bring home a baby, physically or mentally. I have gotten a gift of swaddling blankets from my sister and this is the only real baby item we possess. My 90-year-old great aunt also did give us her Burger King Kid's Meal toy, an animal-ears headband, this past week for the baby - very sweet but not entirely practical.

Nineteen weeks ago, we were in the middle of IVF. I was in the hospital from bleeding complications, in severe pain, and worried that this would impact our chances of successful implantation. This is really becoming a distant memory. The emotional pain of these struggles has dulled. I will never forget and it will always be a part of our journey, but it is no longer the first thing I think about when people comment on the pregnancy.

In another nineteen weeks, give or take, we will hopefully be parents to a healthy baby girl. Our lives will be forever changed. I don't feel entirely prepared for this, but then I don't think that anyone can be entirely prepared for this. When you go to a foreign country for the first time, you can read about the history and culture and learn the language, but this won't entirely brace you for the engulfing sights and sounds and smells of this new place that are so different from what you are accustomed to.

When people ask how I've been feeling, I usually answer, "Good, except for the days I'm not." This pretty much sums things up. Most days I feel 90% healthy. I am chronically congested and always sound like I'm getting over a cold, but this doesn't impact me much. I get out of breath a easier than normal and have noticed being less flexible when getting dressed or performing activities that involve touching my toes, but again this hasn't had a huge impact.

Then there are the days that I am incapacitated. There are the days when the heartburn is so bad that I can't talk and it feels like my esophagus is about to catch on fire. On these days I can't sleep or eat much and everything hurts from my chest upwards. Then there are the days that I become so exhausted that I've fallen asleep with my head on my desk, get worried about driving home from work safely, and generally feel like my whole body is weighted down, with sore muscles, and the general feeling that I've been hit by a Mac truck. Luckily, these days are not the norm and generally I don't have much to complain about.

I have also noticed that my feet are starting to swell, which I am still trying to blame on the hot weather, and that I will occasionally have some very mild leaking of colostrum. It's all very sexy. My belly is now very noticeable and I am wearing 90% maternity clothes, especially when leaving the house. I am up about 14 pounds, which is more then I was hoping and on the higher end of what is recommended, but some of this is due to a week-long vacation and all the eating that goes along with that.

There are days when I feel more confident about feeling the baby, but sometimes these feelings are still so similar to bowel/intestinal movements that it's hard to decipher. They're also not very frequent, which doesn't help. Last night, C tried to hear the heartbeat with his stethoscope but was unsuccessful. The websites said that you might be able to hear it with a stethoscope by 20 weeks so we knew it could be too early.

So... halfway between infertility treatments and bringing home baby. Slowly making this mental transition, as my body continues to change and our baby girl continues to grow and develop. Life moves on.

The Next Six Weeks

I have thought a lot about how I would like to cope with Marv's death, as I allow time to work its magic in lessening the pain. Logically, putting my focus on our healthy progressing pregnancy ranks high on the list. Unfortunately, this is not the best timing. 

C begins his final six weeks of summer classes before he graduates. He has two more nursing courses to take, both of which are rumored to be a lot of work. In six weeks, he will be graduated and being able to shift gears to prepare for his nursing board exams. I am SO excited for him, and for us. Six more weeks. 

However, in these six weeks, he will be very busy. He will likely be focusing on school and I am likely to fall into my usual support role for him. I help him study when I can, and mostly encourage him to stay focused and stay out of his way. The point here is that when he is in classes I am mostly his support person and he often doesn't have the energy and time to be as supportive of me as during the other times of year. So ideally any coping will need to be solitary. (This is not to imply that he turns into a selfish bastard. He is always supportive, I just try to rely on him less when he has school to contend with.)

I was initially thinking I could focus on nesting activities, but the slight dilemma here is that the future nursery is the current office for C's studying. The timing works out beautifully in that he should be graduated just before I enter the third trimester, but not super helpful for the next six weeks of occupying my time and my brain. 

Researching and buying baby stuff also sounds like a wonderful idea, but having just returned from two vacations and now having to contend with vet bills and possible lawyer fees and/or costs to put in an extremely high and long fence along the property line, money is a little tight. This is especially a shame, because many lovely coping strategies cost money - eating out, massages or pedicures, shopping for baby stuff. Now I sound like a priss. 

I should be putting more effort into exercise, both for my health and the endorphin kick. The problem here is that exercise always feel more like work to me and not especially enjoyable. I could also take more ownership over cooking dinners, but this again feels more like work and responsibility. 

Here is the mission: I am in search of an enjoyable project to occupy myself in the times that I would normally be cuddling with Marv on the couch or going for our nightly walks around the development. It cannot be too expensive (or really cost much of anything at all) and cannot take up much space since we still do not have any designated baby space. It must be something that C does not have to be involved in, so no major decision making and joint endeavors. Any ideas?

I foresee these next six weeks as being the toughest, given the above obstacles and with everything still being so unsettled. If I can make it through these weeks; the immediate pain should have continued to lesson with time, there will hopefully be a high fence up so that I will never have to see our neighbors or their damn dogs again, C will be back to spending more time with me, and we can be fully shifted into transforming office to nursery and preparing for our daughter. Six more weeks...