I have thought a lot about how I would like to cope with Marv's death, as I allow time to work its magic in lessening the pain. Logically, putting my focus on our healthy progressing pregnancy ranks high on the list. Unfortunately, this is not the best timing.
C begins his final six weeks of summer classes before he graduates. He has two more nursing courses to take, both of which are rumored to be a lot of work. In six weeks, he will be graduated and being able to shift gears to prepare for his nursing board exams. I am SO excited for him, and for us. Six more weeks.
However, in these six weeks, he will be very busy. He will likely be focusing on school and I am likely to fall into my usual support role for him. I help him study when I can, and mostly encourage him to stay focused and stay out of his way. The point here is that when he is in classes I am mostly his support person and he often doesn't have the energy and time to be as supportive of me as during the other times of year. So ideally any coping will need to be solitary. (This is not to imply that he turns into a selfish bastard. He is always supportive, I just try to rely on him less when he has school to contend with.)
I was initially thinking I could focus on nesting activities, but the slight dilemma here is that the future nursery is the current office for C's studying. The timing works out beautifully in that he should be graduated just before I enter the third trimester, but not super helpful for the next six weeks of occupying my time and my brain.
Researching and buying baby stuff also sounds like a wonderful idea, but having just returned from two vacations and now having to contend with vet bills and possible lawyer fees and/or costs to put in an extremely high and long fence along the property line, money is a little tight. This is especially a shame, because many lovely coping strategies cost money - eating out, massages or pedicures, shopping for baby stuff. Now I sound like a priss.
I should be putting more effort into exercise, both for my health and the endorphin kick. The problem here is that exercise always feel more like work to me and not especially enjoyable. I could also take more ownership over cooking dinners, but this again feels more like work and responsibility.
Here is the mission: I am in search of an enjoyable project to occupy myself in the times that I would normally be cuddling with Marv on the couch or going for our nightly walks around the development. It cannot be too expensive (or really cost much of anything at all) and cannot take up much space since we still do not have any designated baby space. It must be something that C does not have to be involved in, so no major decision making and joint endeavors. Any ideas?
I foresee these next six weeks as being the toughest, given the above obstacles and with everything still being so unsettled. If I can make it through these weeks; the immediate pain should have continued to lesson with time, there will hopefully be a high fence up so that I will never have to see our neighbors or their damn dogs again, C will be back to spending more time with me, and we can be fully shifted into transforming office to nursery and preparing for our daughter. Six more weeks...