Saturday, July 19, 2014

More Baby Shower Thoughts

I realized in writing this post, that I have some more to say about this whole baby shower thing. Remember how I've said that I'm not one of those girly-girls who gets all googley-eyed with cute things? Maybe I never said this specifically, but I'm not. I was always more of a tom-boy/nerd who cared much more about school and education and my career then boys and parties and frilly things. Babies usually fall into that frilly-cutesy thing category. Whenever people go, "awwwwwwww", I get  nauseous. About anything, really, but babies are really big in bringing out the "aww" in people.

Usually, baby showers make we want to gag. Especially girl baby showers, because they're all pink with bows and ruffles and doilies and crap**. At first, I wanted nothing to do with a baby shower.

So what changed?

Well, first, my mom told me I had to have shower. It wasn't in a forced way, but more of a social expectation, weird if you don't, sort of way. So I started paying attention to other people's reactions, especially now that I am showing more. Turns out, most people get really excited about babies. They love to talk with me about them, giving advice, and share their own experiences. They get excited about cute baby objects and about re-living when they had babies of their own. Maybe it was just the bitter infertile in me, or maybe it was just me, but I hadn't fully realized how much joy this seems to bring to other people. Probably other fertile people, but other people nonetheless.

Secondly, there is the whole party aspect of things. I do like to see my family and friends. I do like to have a good time. If I could do this shower in a way that it was fun, make it more of a party then a stuffy shower, then that would be nice.

Finally, there is the issue of money and baby stuff. Infertility is not cheap. Babies are not cheap. Infertility plus babies are especially pricey. C and I really would like to be able to move out my parent's home someday and I have just recently gotten the courage to re-examine our savings plan that was completely depleted in project "making-of-baby". So if it's completely socially acceptable to host a party for the sole purpose of people buying you necessary stuff, then who am I refuse this.

Since my sisters are largely out of the planning process and my mom is never really the idea person, I decided that if we're doing this, we're doing it on my terms. There will be no pink or purple and no ruffles or hearts. It will be a party with alcohol and music and good times and good food. In the evening so that people stay and have fun. The shower part will be minimized and the party part will be maximized. And if people want to talk with me about baby stuff, that will be just fine. And if people want to avoid talking about baby stuff, it will not be shoved down their throats. I don't like attention anyway.

So here is the plan: It is a northeastern Ohio tradition to host Clam Bakes in the fall. There is clam chowder along with appetizers and then a "bake" includes dozen steamed clams, grilled chicken, fresh picked corn on the cob, a sweet potato, and a roll, all served with melted butter. My parents used to host one yearly, but have gotten away from it the past few years because of weddings and other obligations. It was one of my favorite memories as a child and teen. So we will be hosting a Co-Ed Clam Bake Baby Shower. When people are eating the chowder and appetizers, I will open gifts in one room of the house while football is playing in the other room and music is on outside. Watch me open gifts if you want, or feel free to enjoy the rest of the party. Then after the chowder and gifts, we will serve dinner and the baby stuff will be over and the partying can begin. There will be no obligatory games, although we are throwing around some ideas of optional, play-if you want, sort of activities (e.g. trivia or "guess the baby picture" type of stuff where we can reveal the correct answers later on in the night without stopping the flow of the party).

I am actually sort of excited about this idea. Which is odd for me to get excited about these sorts of things. I think this could be fun. And not make me want to gag. And help us procure some more necessary baby essentials. So hopefully it's a winning idea all around. 

**I should probably apologize for offending people throughout this post... I'm sorry and I do not think less of you if you get mushy for hearts and your favorite color is pink. Also, I do sometimes find myself (internally) saying "awww" at cute pictures or videos of babies and animals. I do have a heart, and I'm sure it will probably become exponentially softer when holding my own baby in my arms. 


  1. Less shower and more party sounds fantastic!I have also noticed and am quite surprised to find myself no longer repulsed at the idea of baby showers, yet still a little bit by all the baby crap :-). Many people have told me they enjoy them... which I had never been able to see before, even long before fertility struggles.

    Hope you are recovering well from the stress of the accident. Wishing you a calm pregnancy moving forward.

  2. I love your idea! I like having non-traditional parties like that too (ESPECIALLY when the traditional alternative is baby shower games - hate them with a passion). I also like that you're being inclusive but also not making people feel like they HAVE to watch you open gifts. It's awesome!

  3. This sounds like my kind of shower! The frilliness factor subtracted, alcohol added in. Perfect.

    I bought booze for my gender-reveal party hoping the adults would tie one on, but no one did. (Since pregnant, have had bizarre desire for other people to get drunk around me, since I can't.)

    My friend had what she called a "Baby BBQ." I might have a Skype baby shower because I can't imagine getting on one more plane or in one more taxi this pregnancy.