Break, Breaking, Broken

It started off so well. Five mature follicles. The first time a medicine regimen has worked since I began trying. Five great opportunities for a fantastic Christmas present.

When that fell through, I pulled myself off the floor. Instead, my Christmas present was a lovely period with cramps and vomiting. I focused on this being a fresh start and new beginning in time for the new year.

Today was my baseline ultrasound for that new beginning. Today I learned that I have two large "leftover" follicles measuring over 25mm a piece, one in each ovary, each looking half deflated and described as entirely useless at this point. I held my breath until 2pm when they finally called to tell me the verdict. My fate for the next month, decided by a doctor.

I'm out.

I am to call them in 28 days if when I don't get my period, in which case they'll prescribe 7-10 days of Provera and then I will hopefully, but never consistently, get my period and begin again. So for the next 28 - 45 days, I am back to waiting without hope.

I don't know how to end this. I don't have anything prolific to say. I keep oscillating between drowning in my own misery and pulling myself back up, moving forward, and staying positive. Frankly, both of these options are exhausting and unappealing.

Merry Christmas

For this Christmas, I received the beginning of my menstrual cycle, complete with an extra large dose of cramps that actually made me vomit.

I now vividly remember why I went on birth control pills as a teenager, and it had nothing to do with my non-existent sex life. At the age of 15, two years after I began menstruating, I was still having only 4-5 periods per year and it would completely incapacitate me when it did occur. I'm still a little annoyed that no one considered testing me for PCOS at this point.

Merry Christmas to me. If there was ever a shred of hope that the tests were inaccurate, it is now clear as day. I am choosing to look at it as a new beginning, a new chance. Here we go again!

Categorization of Christmasyness of Christmas Movies

Moving back in with my parents (i.e. no house to decorate), without kids, and with my sister and her husband visiting for three days, makes it difficult to partake in any holiday traditions that are just for C and I.

If I were to decide on a theme for this year, I would say it would be movies. C surprised me last week with a trip to the cinema for a showing of It's A Wonderful Life. I paid him back by agreeing to watch Die Hard. This spawned a lively debate on whether or not either of these movies are technically Christmas movies, and then a categorization of other so-called Christmas movies. The pivotal question to ask yourself is, "Can you maintain the plot of the movie by taking out (or changing) the Christmas aspects?" (i.e. is Christmas really fundamental to the story line)

Here are my findings...

Most Christmasy Christmas Movies 

• Miracle on 34th Street
• Elf
• Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
• Charlie Brown Christmas Special
• Santa Clause
• How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Moderately Christmasy Christmas Movies

• Home Alone: I would have put this one lower, but when I considered all of the adaptions that would be required, this one really does rely on the holiday. It just can't be most-Christmasy because it's not really about Christmas so much as this is a necessary component to the movie
• A Christmas Story: This might be slightly biased and in this category because I don't really like this movie. Yes, it's very much about Christmas and couldn't work without the holiday. On the other hand, it does not capture the Christmas spirit or send a positive message whatsoever. And for that, I deem it not most-Christmasy. 

Least Christmasy Christmas Movies 

• It's a Wonderful Life: It's a lovely message and my personal favorite Christmas movie, but it could take place at any point in winter and you'd just need to substitute the tree decoration bell with a different bell (cow bell maybe?)
• Love Actually: Slightly tricky because of the Christmas play that brings the whole country together, but maybe this could be substituted with a rugby match or national cricket championship. 
• Die Hard: This is not a Christmas movie. Plain and simple. It's a decent action movie. You could very easily substitute the Christmas party for a retirement party and the wrapping tape used to tape the gun to his back at the end (C's biggest argument) could be any office supply take easily found in an office building. PLUS, it doesn't send any positive Christmas messages at all. Frankly, it shouldn't be on this list at all, but I'm including for the sake of argument. 

There you have it. My very biased categorization of Christmasyness of Christmas movies. Am I missing any movies? Would re-categorize any of these?