Saturday, June 14, 2014

Some Thoughts on Gender

My anatomy scan is coming up at the end of this week, at exactly the beginning of week 19 because we will be on vacation the following week. I am really excited to stop referring to the baby as "it".

The gender is the number one question that I get asked when people congratulate me on my ever-expanding belly. C and I are definitely interested in knowing ourselves, primarily because of the "it" issue and that I am horribly impatient, but I'm not yet certain if I want the world to know quite yet. There is something so incredibly un-private about being pregnant. It suddenly becomes okay for people to comment on my changing body shape, touch you, and ask personal questions. On the other hand, I am a horrible  liar so I'm really not sure how to approach the answer to the number one question these days, "do you know the gender yet?"

Another interesting phenomena that has occurred is that most people like to offer unsolicited guesses as to what the gender will be. This part is probably not all that interesting. The interesting part is that every single person has guessed that the baby will be a boy. EVERY SINGLE PERSON. It started getting really creepy actually. Anyone who gave a reasoning, tended to use different wives tales to justify, only making it creepier. The heartbeat is on the slower end, but the extensive research I've done says that this really is nothing more than an old wives tale with no evidence to back it up. I still look pretty and apparently if he/she is a girl then my "she would steal your beauty"; however, my aunt claimed this on a day that I was dressed for a wedding and spent at least five times the usual amount of usual effort in getting ready to look nice. I am carrying more in the front, or higher up, or something. I can't tell how I'm carrying compared with anyone else, so this one really makes no sense to me.

I really don't have a strong preference one way or the other. However, boys scare me. I never had any brothers. I'm obviously not male. I'm not sure what to do with a boy. I really don't know how different they are from girls or if this is really a silly to thing to worry about. Also, the oppositional side of me now really wants to prove everyone-and-thier-mother wrong as further evidence for justifying people to keep their nose out of other people's business. So I suppose there is a very slight preference for a girl, but in reality all of these reasons are very silly and I really am just excited to find out so I can more easily continue bonding.

Sometimes I think about the original purpose of the anatomy scan, which is to determine if the baby is growing appropriately and proportionately and to identify any early signs of issues. That is the real deal. However, thoughts of everything that could be wrong, everything that they are really checking for, is worrisome. Wondering about the gender is a much more hopeful and enjoyable way to anticipate this upcoming ultrasound. So, like many other mothers before me, I choose to focus on the least significant but most anticipated result and continue fantasizing about whether we will narrowing down the name list to girls or boys.


  1. With Oscar and Bella, we were going to do a gender reveal at the baby shower...instead their shower was their memorial service. With Gus and Tittle, Tittle died so young, and I had a feeling it was a boy, so that's what we went with. Jon and I had decided, before finding out Gus was a boy that we would share gender, but not his name until he was born. So, that avoided the having to lie when people asked us the gender question. Some tried to get us to share his name before his birth, but we already had a nickname (Dot) that we'd been using since 4w pregnant, so it was easy to keep using that in public.

    As for boy vs. girl, I, too, was scared when we found out Gus was a boy. I'm the youngest of 4 girls! But having a boy is great. Yes, he likes to play in the sand and get dirty, but he also likes to help me clean, do dishes, cook, read, play games, go for walks and have fun. None of those are gender specific. Also, now that we're expecting to bring home a living girl, I'm terrified. Not so much for what we'll do together, but how to raise her in our current society. Either gender comes with scariness, but also greatness.

  2. I was relieved when I found out I am having a boy. I know boys and girls are foreign to me. However, I would have obviously been thrilled either way. Good luck at your scan!

  3. Totally feel you!! We know what we're having but were planning on keeping it a secret aside from immediately family... except that my SIL missed that memo and announced it on the invitation for the baby shower she's throwing us. So, oops! We're still not really telling anyone who doesn't get one of those invites (it's just for my husband's side of the family and a couple of our friends who live nearby).
    What I found interesting was that I bumped into an old coworker last week and she asked if we knew the gender, or if we were going to let it be a surprise OR if were knew and were going to let it be a surprise for everyone else. I thought it was really thoughtful that she included that as a possibility. It definitely made me relax a bit and feel less guilty (which was ridiculous anyway) about not wanting to tell the world yet. Bc you're totally right- pregnancy is something that feels like such a private thing that totally gets treated like a not at all private thing.