Friday, July 22, 2016

The Many Faces of Estrogen

Five days of estrogen and I've turned looney. It started with one random symptom of "urinary urgency," which I didn't even realize was a real thing until, holy cow it's real! Then mid-way through this week came the emotional roller coaster.

1. Sentimentality. Listening to an old CD track that C made a decade ago when we were first dating. My heart swooned as if I was an early-20-something in new love all over again.

2.  Irritability. The burning desire to shake and scream at the technician who reports to me with her never-ending incompetence. It used to get to me on an irregular basis for the really egregious errors, but this week I can't even look at her face.  I know that she objectively hasn't been any worse then normal, but I do not have the time or patience to micro-manage your every action and hold your hand through every G-D decision!

3. Rage. Don't mess with me. Period. Don't blow me off when you say you're going to do something. Don't promise something and then pretend it didn't happen or feign amnesia. Don't expect me to take on more and more responsibility but fail to give any support, emotional or concrete. You may be my boss, but I am ->this<- close to calling you out on all of this B.S. and that may not be my best career move so please stop tempting me.

4. Random Sadness. I have no precipitating causes for this one. Just the random urge to cry. But I am not the kind of person who cries. Ever. So instead I am left with the tingling feeling behind my eyes with no actual release which is even more upsetting.

Which leads to how my husband is the best man ever. This evening I return from work on my second straight day of the emotional coaster, generally stuck in Phase 4 and disappointed that I couldn't even release the sadness. He listens patiently. Then, when I come downstairs with my pajamas on, I find him sitting in front of the TV with Lion King, cued to the gut-wrenching moment in the gorge.

It was perfect and just what I needed. Something to help me release the sadness. Unfortunately, it didn't work. My eyes welled up but that was all. We look at each other disappointed and then he gets excited and says he has another idea.

He has me close my eyes while he prepares... My Girl, beginning with the scene where they share their first kiss under the willow tree and immediately before the boy returns to the woods to find her mood ring. This movie is guaranteed to shed a tear and it came through: one solid tear. Not fully the release I was hoping for, but enough to move on with my evening. I wonder what tomorrow's estrogen adventure has in store for me.

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