Emotions

In approximately two and a half weeks, give or take, I will be transformed from pregnant to a first time mom. It feels very soon and very surreal.

Physically, I am ready for pregnancy to be over. I ache everywhere. I can't find a comfortable position. I had a chiropractic appointment last week, which was amazing, but the relief only lasted about 12 hours. The same is true for any foot massage I can squeeze out of C. It takes forever to get dressed in the morning, to walk anywhere, to get in and out of the car. I feel out of breath all the time. I am chronically congested to the point of C sneaking out of the bedroom most nights because of my very lady-like snoring. I am very ready to get my body back.

Logistically, the nursery is 99% complete. Moving in with my parents has created a constant need for space and storage, so there are still some things that don't have a home, but that may just be the way they stay for now. The hospital bag is nearly packed, aside from the items we are still using. Clothes are folded and diapers are bought. We received our lovely glider rocker and I have already enjoyed sitting in.

However, the threat of Beuhla coming early has definitely resulted in added stress and pressure. C is finishing up a costly review course for his nursing licensing exam and is trying to figure out if he should rush to take the exam before she may arrive or instead attempt to take it when there is an infant in the home affecting our sleep and concentration. I have several projects at work that I am trying to finish, most of which are due on November third. After that, I have made a list of additional/optional projects that I would like to accomplish but am trying to accept that these projects may or may not get done. The unknown timing makes it very difficult to plan, and I am a planner.

Aside from these less important distractions, I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that very soon there will be a baby in our home. A baby that relies on us for her every living need. A baby that will forever change our lives. It feels incredibly overwhelming, so it's been easy for me to focus on work tasks instead. In a matter of a few hours, my life will completely shift in focus from pursuing my career and taking care of patients, to physically recovering from birth and taking care of a needy infant.

Physiologically, the difference between anxiety and excitement is non-existent. When we anticipate something in our future, be it exciting or scary, our body shifts into a fight-or-flight response. It's all about perspective as to whether we interpret those physiological signs as those of fear or of thrill and elation. Right now, I am definitely wavering on my perspective between these two interpretations.