Sunday, May 25, 2014

I Am Not In Your Club

This is the second time I find myself cringing with hearing the gleeful congratulations given by a "fellow pregnant" person. It sounds different then a normal congratulations. It is ringing with the tones of Welcome to the club! and Phew, we're the same now. It's as though they feel this sense of relief that they no longer have to feel guilty about being pregnant in front of me. I cringe because I don't feel I belong in this fertile pregnant club. I don't entirely think I want to belong.

I find myself just wanting to scream. No! We're not the same! I am not in your club! This was not easy for me! You didn't go through what I went through! You do NOT understand how I feel! 

In case there was ever a question, pregnancy does not cure infertility. My friend joked that I "graduated" from the infertility club and joined the pregnancy club, but it doesn't feel like this. That club appears to be full of naive and innocent women who lose all lack of sensitivity in the face of bump-pics. My rose-colored glasses are broken beyond repair.

Note: This post was written a few weeks ago. I kept thinking I'd have more to say on this issue, but in reality my emotions are not as strong anymore. Still there, just not as strong. 


  1. Girlfriend - you are not alone! Seems there is a third club, the 'pregnant after infertility' club. Hugs.

  2. Ohhh, I was hoping I could leave the infertility club long behind me if my time ever comes. I wish I could have that innocence and naivety back, no struggle, no losses, just fun and excitement and wonder. I hope you find some sensitive supporters who don't dismiss what it took for you to get to be pregnant.

  3. You are not alone. I, being blunt, would usually follow up one of those congratulations with a "Thank you, it's been a very long road." This let them know that it wasn't always sunshine and roses.

  4. Totally agree! As much as I wish that pregnancy was an instant cure to infertility, it just isn't. Thankfully the sting does fade with time, but those joyful exclamations from fertiles during the first trimester made me feel lots of feelings that were anything but joyful.