3 Weeks Old

Today my precious little girl is three weeks old. She was up to 7 pounds, 6 ounces at her pediatrician appointment yesterday and is healthy and generally happy.

We just concluded a three day period where she would not sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time without being in someone's arms and was generally inconsolable. I nearly broke down twice, but then she came out of it and has been sleeping in her crib for up to two hours at a time all last night and today. It's amazing how two consecutive hours of sleep can feel so amazing!

Sleep has been our issue from day one. She never liked to sleep in the basinet at the hospital, much preferring our arms, and we've worked daily at trying not to let this become a habit. It was common for us to put her down in the crib or cradle and her to be away and fussing again with 20 minutes. Luckily, she has generally been improving on this each day.

Eating is going well. She took to breastfeeding fairly easily and it wasn't nearly as painful or uncomfortable as I was afraid of. I often get stressed out that I am not producing enough milk, but there really isn't any good evidence to support this anxiety. I try to pump at least once or twice a day. Right now, this is used by C for one or two feedings at night, which allows a little longer consecutive sleep for each of us, but I hope to eventually start to build up a supply so that she's not always tied to me. It sometimes feels very restricting, like I have an anchor attached to me, to know that she is dependent on my breasts at such a high frequency.

C has been the most fantastic support and father that I could ask for. He has taken such an active role that, with the exclusion of the breastfeeding issue, I really feel like it's a 50/50 split of care-taking. He plans to take his nursing licensure exam this upcoming Monday, and I am so proud of him juggling the preparations and anxiety for this with these first few weeks of parenting.

Today, as I was breastfeeding, I looked down and unequivocally realized that I am a mother. This is very real and very permanent. It made me smile that it took three weeks to appreciate this, but I'll blame the sleep-depreciation on my lack of self-reflection.