Grateful

I was cleaning up my drafts and noticed this post written on October 8th, 2014. I am not sure why I didn't hit "publish" back then... perhaps something about the curve ball I was afraid of and not wanting to jinx myself. I'm not afraid anymore, just grateful...



There have been times over the past few weeks that I have been filled with such an overwhelming sense of gratitude and good fortune. I am 35 weeks pregnant and everyone is seemingly healthy. C graduated nursing school and is being asked for interviews in jobs that he is excited for. Our finances are actually on an upswing and we are starting to return to discussions of home-ownership in our future. Could life really be working out this well?

Yes, this is definitely delayed. This is where I was hoping we'd be a few years ago, when we were planning our wedding.

But then life always had this way of throwing wrenches in our plans. C couldn't find a job and we had to downsize and then downsize again. I was in a horrible job that resulted in significant mood difficulties and destabilized us from moving forward on any future plans. C got kicked out of nursing school and then had to go through a huge process to be reinstated. And then there was the infertility. 

Now. Now it seems that we are so close to realizing our initial married goals, I can actually vividly imagine it. I can picture our life how I used to be able to picture our lives when we were first engaged and married. Before all of the uncertainty and wrenches and faulty plans. Now it feels so incredibly attainable...

...that part of me keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems almost too good to be true. That it can't possibly work out this well. I simultaneously feel so incredibly fortunate and then also still on edge, waiting for the next curve ball.