Sunday, February 23, 2014

Updates on Embryos, Health, and Family

What a boring title. Oh well. This is what you get when attempting to wean off narcotics and return to a normal diet.

My embryos are doing well. The lab has called me daily and reported that initially all fifteen embryos were growing and dividing on track, but that today we are down to thirteen that are still growing. Surpassing my low expectations, this is still fantastic news. We are officially a go for Day 5 transfer, although they will contact me tomorrow with the specifics. I have purposefully had the lab leave messages and not asked any more questions about specifics, because there's nothing to be done about it at this point and any more information might just cause unneeded stress.

My big focus has been to regain my health before transferring back in the embryos. I'm trying to wean myself off the pain medications and return to a regular diet. The hardest past has been the constipation so I've made "have a bowel movement" my number one goal and accomplished that this morning! My abdomen is still very sore and somewhat crampy, sort of reminding me how I felt after my appendectomy. I still walk hunched over, but I am at least able to mobilize myself without assistance so that's a huge step forward.

The other excitement around here has had everything to with my sisters. Technically, it's about me as well, but I am refusing to get involved and let it affect me. I have bigger things to focus on now and sister drama is not in my plan of remaining calm and relaxed.

Remember how I explained that my one sister is also going through infertility and copes with it in a very different way than me, and often has managed to step on my toes while doing so? Well mostly since this post, I've just accepted this about her and kept my distance when I couldn't handle her, and focused on my own well-being. One of the biggest differences about our coping style is that she is much more open (AKA attention-seeking) than I am. Well, she decided that she needed to make a huge announcement about her infertility struggles on to let the world know what she was going through. Fine. To each is own and I know that other people have done this and found it helpful. I personally do not feel the need. I do not hide my struggles but I am also not one to openly announce them. While I did appreciate how this could make it awkward at times with people knowing about her but not about me (e.g. when our relatives comment to me about "poor AE" at family functions), I also appreciated that she should not let me impact what she needs to do to cope. She gave me some advance notice, which was nice. Otherwise, it's no big deal.

Until the big announcement came on the exact day of my oocyte retrieval procedure. Of all the 365 days in a year, this otherwise random Thursday was the day she felt the need to draw the world into her struggles. I noted to my other sister how it was impeccable timing, and likely reflects AE's lovely tendency to be self-absorbed, but otherwise I was in a lot of pain and on drugs and didn't let it bother me much beyond this.

Well the other sister, E, was not on drugs or in pain. She decided to voice her concerns to AE about how this was very un-empathetic and inappropriate timing. AE responded that E was insensitive to her infertility needs and that everyone only ever cares me. Yelling and crying ensued. The two are currently not speaking to each other and somehow the last few days have revolved around AE's hurt feelings. Personally, I'm a little amazed at how she manages to make it about her, every time, intentionally or not.

Mostly, I don't care. I'm remaining calm. I'm letting outside stressors bounce off my protective tranquility bubble and focusing only on my health and well-being. However, I am a little curious about where others might stand on this issue, as it does bring up some interesting controversies.

Have you or do you feel the need to make a public announcement about your fertility struggles? Do you think the timing of this should be influenced by what other's are going through or should it just be based on what works best for you? At what point does your own self-care infringe on others?


  1. I'm glad that you're feeling better and very glad to hear that your embryos are doing well! Keep focusing on your protective tranquility bubble, the only actions you can control are your own. Lots of good wishes for feeling 100% soon and for the transfer ahead. Here via ICLW.

  2. I was involved with ART for years. It took us 8 years to become parents, finally through Domestic Adoption. So for me, it kind of waxed and waned with what I needed. I barely told anyone until I started having miscarriages and couldn't keep it together and I needed friends and family. But sometimes telling everyone everything just got ridiculously tiring. Especially after 11 IUIs and 4 IVFs! This time around we are thinking of trying and again and I am in a better emotional place and I don't think I want to tell anyone much of anything.

    Best of luck on your cycle!

    Jess from ICLW-

  3. If your sister knew what day your egg retrieval was scheduled for and she made the decision to make her Facebook announcement on the same day I would say she did it intentionally. Otherwise it sounds like an incredibly unfortunate coincidence. It says a lot about your character that you aren't letting her make you crazy and are able to rise above her cries for attention.
    I'm happy to hear that you are starting to feel better and that your transfer is moving forward as scheduled. Your fertilization rate sounds great which is so exciting! I look forward to reading about your transfer. Good luck!

    1. Unfortunately she was well aware of what I was going through... Thanks for the validation at least.

  4. I realize I didn't answer the question you posed. I have considered making a more public announcement about infertility in an effort to let others know who might be going through it that they are not alone, not in an effort to seek attention or support. I feel I have good support via a few close IRL friends and through blog readers and my local RESOLVE group. I feel very fortunate in that regard.