Saturday, August 27, 2016

A Happy Occasion

My second-cousin is getting married today. I am so happy for her and excited for the festivities. It will be a big Russian celebration filled with a mix of folk and modern music and so many of our family members. These are best types of receptions and I have been anticipating it for a while now.

The ceremony is in the early afternoon, meaning that there will be several hours before the reception begins in the evening.  My immediate family had planned to go to the hotel near the reception location to spend time together. My sister and her baby (and husband) will be there from out-of-town and it will be a relatively rare occasion when my whole family is together in one place.

During the intermission, we planned to have our daughter (hopefully) take a nap in one of the hotel rooms while the adults spend time next door. I fantasized about changing her into more comfortable clothes for napping, which happen to be a new shirt saying "Big Sister, Est. 2017". She walks out into the other room to tell everyone her favorite word ("bye!"), they notice the shirt, and everyone is shocked and excited. It is perfect. I bought the shirt and it arrived today.

Then there was the spotting, that fact that there is only one HCG number 5 days ago, and the reminder that I do not feel an ounce pregnant aside from enlarged breasts.

I am so torn about this. On the one hand, this is a rare opportunity to actually tell some of my immediate family in person and I'm not sure when I will next see my sister. Plus, keeping it from them for a multi-hour hiatus where I am sure alcohol beverages will be the primary option and then again for an entire wedding reception (the stereotypes of Russian weddings and vodka are accurate) sounds nearly impossible. I have also heard that it could be useful to tell anyone that you would want support from if it did go wrong. My family isn't always the most supportive (although having multiple psychologist friends, I probably have exceptionally high standards of support), but I would definitely want them to know no matter what the eventual outcome.

On the flip side, making such a big show of it this early (5 weeks, 3 days assuming all is well) seems inappropriate. I hate believing in jinxes, but I do and this seems like I'm setting myself up.

But this was what I wanted. I purposefully didn't tell anyone in my family ahead of time, unlike our first IVF, because I really wanted to be able to actually surprise them. I really wanted to see their expressions morph from confusion to shock to joy. I felt robbed of this experience last time and I really really wanted to reclaim that.

As far as I see, I have the following options:
A) Trust the tests results and nurses' reassurance, live my fantasy, and enjoy the moment.
B) Try my best to continue hiding it through the festivities, hope they don't notice or suspect anything, and then attempt a different "reveal" after the ultrasound.
C) Tell them tomorrow, but without the big show/shirt. Present it with cautious optimism given the circumstances and avoid the bravado.

The first two options feel very risky, each in their own way, and the third option is just disappointing.

I am honestly still undecided. C mentioned we could always pack the shirt and decide in the moment, but I am usually much more thoughtful then this. Stay tuned! ...or feel free to chime in with an opinion...

1 comment:

  1. This is so tough. You don't want to miss the opportunity, but you don't want to add future pain to what could be a lost pregnancy. Though it's not what you usually do, I think C is right. Pack the shirt and decide what feels right in the moment.