Saturday, August 6, 2016

Ready, Set...

My transfer is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. They called for my credit card information on Friday so I know this is really happening. The last lining check showed my lining increase from 8mm up to 12 mm in four days, so if anyone is curious about the effects of one extra little estradiol pill intravaginally, here's some good evidence. The estradiol levels also jumped from high 100s to 500-something. I looked back as my last number and I was over 3,000, but then there was concern about OHSS.

I feel calm. Initially I was stressed about the one vs. two embryo debate and trying to do everything to be healthy as possible before the transfer. The latter ultimately increased my stress because the scale kept creeping up from bloat no matter I did. Then there was a subtle yet profound shift where I accepted that my actions right now will make little difference and that I will leave the rest up to the universe (and the hospital, technically, at this point). I stopped focusing on everything that went into my mouth and instead started eating for pleasure, including a lot more sushi! I stopped using my Visualizing Pregnancy meditation because I kept getting stuck on whether I was supposed to visualize one or two embryos implanting. I accepted that the medications are doing thier job, the doctors and nurses will do their job, and then everything else is out of our [human] control.

I vaguely remember a similar calmness before my last transfer, and anything that feels similar to the last time adds to my trust in the universe.

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