Random Musings

Sometimes I get really emotional and forget that I'm swallowing hormones on a daily basis. I'm not usually an emotional person, so when the sudden urge to cry rushes over me, it feels very uncomfortable (although now that I type this, I'm sure this wouldn't be a comforting feeling for anyone). I need to remind myself that it's not the situation that's upsetting me, that it's just my messed up body.

In the beginning, I had a lot of anger towards my body. I've gotten around to being more accepting, flaws and all, but some days I still feel like I'm very much at odds with myself. It often feels like my body is trying to F*ck with me, teasing and taunting me and then snatching away any hope at the last minute. Or it just enjoys confusing the crap out of me. Today I am almost done with taking Progesterone to induce my period and I know that it is the drop in progesterone that stimulates the period, so theoretically this should occur after you're taking the medicine. And yet today I noticed about 4 drops of bright red blood on the toilet paper. WTF!?!? Of course this couldn't be re-created later, so now I'm just trying to forget it ever happened and continue with the plan.

I am at odds with both of my sisters now, who are also at odd with each other, and I'm beginning to get stressed/emotional about Thanksgiving (although this may the hormones). Why can't we just have a drama-free holiday for once? It's really so cliche.

I'm fairly certain that my insurance plan is going cover a large proportion of the injectable medications! The catch is that I'm also fairly certain that the insurance is changing next year and they won't be covered. This means that I can get one cycle for sure and possibly two if everything works out exactly as scheduled (but let's not fool ourselves here). I am only fairly certain because insurance companies suck and are nearly impossible to navigate and get a straight answer.

In order to help ensure that I stay on schedule, I've officially jumped off the deep end as far as fertility Googling goes and have found a few natural remedies to induce menstration. Last time the progesterone didn't work so I wanted a backup plan. I learned that possibly Vitamin C and/or Parsley could help in inducing a period so then I promptly drove to Whole Foods and picked up some supplements to begin taking after I complete the progesterone. My thought is that it likely can't hurt and it will really just be to supplement the actual medicine and not replace or go against any prescribed protocol.

I rearranged my work schedule to allow for many more frequent monitoring visits in preparation for this medication cycle. It was a big pain, but I'm glad I figured it all out. I told the secretaries that I was having health issues and now I'm paranoid that they think I'm lying because I certainly look healthy enough when they see me. Oh well.

I did tell two more colleagues this week. Lo and behold, it didn't kill me and really wasn't nearly as awkward as I was afraid of. I'm glad I told them and I think it will make it a little easier in future interactions.

I had a dream last night that I slept until Friday and thus missed two full days of medication and screwed up the cycle. I woke up in a confused panic until I realized what day it was. This may have been precursor to the rest of the day when I became so exhausted after lunch that I put my head down on my desk and actually passed out for ~40 minutes!

My cat is driving me nuts because she's back to peeing on various furniture items. She was out of this habit for about 5 months and we thought we were in the clear, but now it's starting up again and I really am out of ideas of what to do with this (likely more on this later after I can form a more coherent thought).

This was a complete random mess that's been floating in my head all day and I needed to get out so that I sleep tonight. Any one of these paragraphs could likely be expanded into a full post, and just might be when I get around to it. Feel free to take a vote! In the meanwhile, thanks for tolerating my lack of cohesive thoughts.