Knock on Wood

I don't consider myself a superstitious person, but I am a strong believer in not jinxing something. I've been known to "knock on wood" when needed, which usually curbs my anxiety.

Today there was a book signing at my hospital by Michael Roizen, MD, one of the co-authors of the YOU series. I immediately thought of having him sign the book You: Having a Baby to give as gifts or for myself. I thought long and hard about how many books to purchase and ultimately decided not to get one for myself. Better not jinx it, right? I had him sign three copies; one for my friend who recently announced to me that she was pregnant and very nervous about it given a history of chemical pregnancies, and two for friends who are desperately trying to be.

He signed, "So-and-so, Katie hopes that you have a wonderful and healthy journey. (Me too). Michael Roizen."

It was fitting. And I may have told him a small white lie, that these friends recently announced a pregnancy, so he was not even aware of the infertility struggles.

Telling him that I was buying books for people that aren't pregnant yet seemed like I would come across as a nutcase. But secretly, my plan is to write a note for the two not-yet-pregnant friends about how I am sure that they will be soon and have it dated now. So when they finally are, I can give them the book and they'll know I held the faith all along. It doesn't jinx it if someone else does it for you, I've convinced myself.

So, no, I still do not own any pregnancy books. I do not have any baby items. Our future nursery is still in full use as an office and spare bedroom.

My therapist had said that this wasn't necessarily a good thing and that, instead, I should be preparing myself and my surroundings to carry a child. She convinced me to crochet a baby blanket, which I technically did. In reality, I made it extra big so it's not limited to babies, I've told myself that it's not my baby's blanket (maybe I'll gift it or give it to charity), and have gotten it 90% complete over a month ago but have yet to actually finish the damn thing.

Because if it's finished and doesn't have a recipient, then that would been a mess. Because I can't let the recipient be my future baby that doesn't yet exist. Because I don't want to jinx it.

Where do you stand on buying/making baby items ahead of pregnancy: emotional preparation or a big jinx?